Sunday, April 11, 2010

Bar Scene Blogfest

I participated in the Murder Scene Blogfest yesterday and this bar scene is from the same manuscript (The Beautiful People). My murder scene is where my MC discovers that her brother is a soldier for the mob an her boyfriend, Dominic, is as well. This scene takes place before Natalie knows all of this and is in the beginning stages of falling in love with Dominic.

And action!

As I sat at the bar, zoning out, it dawned on me. I was beginning to like Dominic in more ways than just lust. Not good. Maybe he was right in distancing himself. I chugged my drink and stood up.

“Well, good night,” I said, hoping he couldn’t hear the panic in my voice. I walked up to the employee lounge to get my things. Brittany was getting ready to leave too.

“Hey Natalie! A bunch of us are going over to Blue, wanna come with?”

“Yes!” I jumped at the opportunity, grateful for the distraction.

We passed Grant on the way out and he seemed relieved that I would be hanging out with a bunch of girls. “Be careful,” he advised. “Call me if you need anything.” I rolled my eyes, but knew he would be the first to call if things got out of hand.

A huge line of people stood outside Blue. Many swayed in place and probably should have been home sleeping the booze off and not waiting to get into another club. I recognized several customers from Crimson as I walked past the line. I thought cutting in front seemed rude, but followed Brittany’s lead and we were ushered inside by the bouncer at the door.

Blue was bursting with people and steaming hot; the air heavy with perspiration and the stench of stale booze. We checked our coats at the coat check and filtered through the crowd to the bar. Once I had my drink, I spun around to people-watch and instead came face to chest with Dominic. Gin and tonic splashed all over my shirt.

“Shit!” I gasped as an ice cube dropped down the front and became lodged in my bra. I reached down to fish it out. Dominic seemed amused at the sight.

“I would have gotten that out for you,” he teased.

“So you’re talking to me now?” I countered. The smile vanished from his face.

“Er, yeah. Sorry about earlier. Your bro didn’t like us getting so friendly in the back of Miranda’s car last night.”

“That’s Grant for you.”

“I can’t say I blame him. I’d probably do the same if my little sister started to get involved with someone like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, he’s being a big brother. I get it.” He leaned over to order a drink sandwiching me between him and the bar. His closeness made my stomach flip. I shook my head slightly in an attempt to focus. Don’t do it Nat. Don’t start liking this guy, I warned myself. The counter dug into the small of my back so I shifted. This resulted in being pressed closer to Dominic. He looked me up and down. “I owe you a drink, don’t I?” He asked his voice soft and husky.

“Um, I guess so?” Minutes passed while we waited for the bartender to return with our drinks. Dominic kept me pinned.

“So what’s your story, Natalie?”

“Nothing terribly interesting, I’m afraid. I go to the University of the Arts and I’m graduating in May.”

“What are you studying?”

“My major is sculpture and my minor is painting. What about you, do you go to college?”

“I took a couple semesters, but college didn’t appeal to me. Besides, I’m going into the family business anyway.”

“What business is that?”

The bartender arrived and I never got an answer to the question. Dominic kept me pinned beneath him and he leaned down.

“I wanted to do this last night,” he whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes, anticipating his next move. Sure enough his lips found mine and he pulled me closer to him. I grabbed his bicep, which was flexed from holding me so close. This kiss was like nothing I had ever experienced. Not wet, not sloppy, it was…incredible. I stopped holding back and fell into the moment. The loud club ceased to exist. When we pulled apart I had to catch my breath. My insides were begging and pleading for more. I could very easily have taken Dominic back to my apartment, slept with him and then be done. I was about ready to propose this, but stopped myself as another realization hit me.

I wanted more than a one night fling.

We moved in at the same time for another kiss. Our lips had barely touched when Brittany emerged from the crowd, pulling me away from Dominic and onto the dance floor.

“Brittany, I was kind of in the middle of something back there,” I yelled over the music.

“Really?” She seemed oblivious, but I had a feeling she knew exactly what she was doing. I looked back towards the bar, but Dominic was gone. Damn.


  1. I really like Natalie and would love to read more about her. Great scene. Vivid detail like this:

    the air heavy with perspiration and the stench of stale booze.

    Great stuff.

  2. Hmm. I'm not getting the attraction to Dominic. I know this is down-the-road a bit, but to me he feels a bit creepy. Maybe she's attracted to that type. The convo about college seemed out-of-place for some reason. I don't think he'd want her story. It's too intimate at this point. I'd think he'd want to figure out her she alone, with friends, in the mood?
    I like how he disappears at the end. That's more in character for him :)
    Interesting scene!

  3. The ending was great, with their interlude interupted by a friend. I'm wondering what his family business is...seems kind of like a euphemism for crime? Great job.

  4. Loved your scene yesterday, and I love this one even more (probably because of the sexy, kissing scene). Dominic seems very intriguing and the questions he asked about her story--he totally already knew her story, didn't he? He seems like a guys who's done his research.
    Well done! Can't wait to read more *please*
    ;-) Courtney Reese

  5. I'm hoping her friend is about to tell her what the family business is! I like her.

  6. Damn is right. That was a good kiss; and really made me want to know all about him. Of course nice girls fall for bad boys. I liked the characters, and the plot building hints. This is going to be a very interesting story.


  7. Hmmm... What's with the friend? Does she like Dominic as well or is she aware of his shady side and is trying to protect Natalie? Good girls and Bad boys... Always happens...

  8. I so wanted more of the attraction between Dominic and Natalie. Dominic sounded like a Bad ass, and I was just getting into his character! Great set up! Thanks for joining in!

  9. oooo interesting!! love the tension!!